I know who I am, but who are you?

I've been re-reading The Bell Jar recently whether that's a good idea or not I'm not sure. I first read it when Gwen Stefani said she quoted it in some of the songs on Return Of Saturn (Loser I know!) also, shortly after finding this out I found out that the words Wiona Ryder writes in her diary in Girl Interupted is also from the book.

Here are some of my favourite quotes from the book:


The silence depressed me. It wasn't the silence of silence. It was my own silence. ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar


I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet. ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, Chapter 7



If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days. ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, Chapter 8

There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the extra person in the room."
- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, Chapter 2


The sickness rolled through me in great waves. After each wave it would fade away and leave me limp as a wet leaf and shivering all over and then I would feel it rising up in me again, and the glittering white torture chamber tiles under my feet and over my head and all four sides closed in and squeezed me to pieces.
- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, Chapter 4

I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.'"
- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, Chapter 8

After reading these you will probably assume that I am in some shiverled mess about my life but to be honest I couldn't be happier right now. A few heart pangs are occuring and I'm trying to figure out if that is because I really care or if it's because, actually in reality I am a cold hearted bitch...

I remember writing all my stories about my life on livejournal - something that I'm very happy that I did do, I think it's important to write down your life, your passion, your fashion! As I become a touch typer aged 13 I felt that doing this online was the best way as writing it in a journal wasn't as easy for me as I couldn't allow myself to write as fast as my brain was thinking...I do wonder sometimes that life is just full of rules and if I say something that I strongly believe in I'm deemed a bitch...But I'm I? Least I'm honest...Ho hum!




In other news, I am doing a competition with Channel 4 and Don't Panic you can check it out here. Some really nice stuff is coming through and hopefully it's been sent off to the write people for some decent coverage. If you'd like more information please contact me on stephanie@dontpaniconline.com




In other other news, I'm completely in love with the idea of three of my best friends and I going to Longleat! HELLO little animals xxx and stately home and three of the best people in my life HELLO!!!

I LOVE this song and No Doubt are releasing an album real soon and I might piss myself when I go and see them because I am THAT excited...It would make my life for realz

Life Oh Life

I have had the best few weeks ever - meeting amazing people, seeing more amazing people and in general pretty high times. Here's some photos from my past few weeks:












I am currently getting myself involved in a project with Don't Panic for Channel 4 a Street Style competition which I feel will be super fun!

Even though spending a lot of time on the internet is my job (and I LOVE it) I feel it's time for me to spend some time away so I am making some big plans to save and go and spend some time with my friend Spasia in New York as well as getting to some other places to see some amazing sights. Let's think about it I'm 25 next year, I haven't been on holiday since 2001 and my current internet (work) obsession is becoming wildly un-healthy. This all sparked when I met a few bloggers in London a couple of weeks back...Why I'm I spending so much time online exchanging links, knowledge, friendships when I can go and hang out with them...Ehhhhh? Good times are a coming and I'm very excited.

Next few weeks are going to be exciting too as I get to spend time with my sister at Wireless and Lovebox and some little exciting projects to further my life. I do hope by the time I'm 25 I've progressed a little further...It is totally time to play as hard as I work, life is literally what you make it and you have to protect, love and cherish yourself as well as everyone you love in it.

Random shiz this week:

Quotes

Since I can rememember I've always loved reading, quoting, remembering my life in some kind of documentated way, diary, livejournal, scraps bits of paper, notepads...Here are some of my favourite quotes...

"Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery"- Malcolm X

"Immediately after saying this, Royal realised that it was true"- Narrator, The Royal Tenenbaums.

"You had to do someone else, You should of been by yourself, Instead of here with me."-Skunk Anansie-Secretly.

"And when I looked at the page infront of me I realised, This was my life" - Gwen Stefani, No Doubt, Storytellers.

"3 I foretold the former things long ago,
my mouth announced them and I made them known;
then suddenly I acted, and they came to pass.

4 For I knew how stubborn you were;
the sinews of your neck were iron,
your forehead was bronze.

5 Therefore I told you these things long ago;
before they happened I announced them to you
so that you could not say,
'My idols did them;
my wooden image and metal god ordained them.'

6 You have heard these things; look at them all.
Will you not admit them?
"From now on I will tell you of new things,
of hidden things unknown to you.

7 They are created now, and not long ago;
you have not heard of them before today.
So you cannot say,
'Yes, I knew of them.'

8 You have neither heard nor understood;
from of old your ear has not been open.
Well do I know how treacherous you are;
you were called a rebel from birth.

9 For my own name's sake I delay my wrath;
for the sake of my praise I hold it back from you,
so as not to cut you off.

10 See, I have refined you, though not as silver;
I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.

11 For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this.
How can I let myself be defamed?
I will not yield my glory to another."
The Bible, Isaiah, Chapter 48.


What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.

Thus in winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

-- Edna St. Vincent Millay

I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see.- Alice in Wonderland.



"Life is a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of time. Memories fade, relationships dissolve, and our control on life slips away. Few things, if anything, remain constant."

...
"We favor the simple expression of the complex thought.
We are for the large shape, because it has the impact of the unequivocal.

We are for flat forms because they destroy illusion and reveal truth.

The artist was attempting to make art more than something to just look at,
they wanted it something to be involved in, something too big to ignore.

It is our function as artists to make the spectator to see the world our way,
not his way." - Le Tigre