I'M NOT GONNA GIVE A ....

Now that you're out of my life
I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak without you
But I'm stronger
You thought that I'd be broke without you
But I'm richer
You thought that I'd be sad without you
I laugh harder
You thought I wouldn't grow without you
Now I'm wiser
Though that I'd be helpless without you
But I'm smarter
You thought that I'd be stressed without you
But I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without you
Sold 9 million
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)
Thought I couldn't breathe without
I'm inhaling
You thought I couldn't see without you
Perfect vision
You thought I couldn't last without you
But I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without you
But I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without you
But I'm on top
Thought it would be over by now
But it won't stop
Thought that I would self destruct
But I'm still here
Even in my years to come
I'm still gon be here
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)
I'm wishin' you the best
Pray that you are blessed
Bring much success, no stress, and lots of happiness
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon blast you on the radio
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon lie on you and your family
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon hate on you in the magazines
('m better than that)
I'm not gon compromise my Christianity
(I'm better than that)
You know I'm not gon diss you on the internet
Cause my mama taught me better than that
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)
[Beyonce]
Oh (oh) oh (oh)...
After of all of the darkness and sadness
Soon comes happiness
If I surround my self with positive things
I'll gain prosperity
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/survivor_lyrics_destinys_child.html
All about Destinys Child: http://www.musictory.com/music/Destinys+Child

Past two weeks have been really weird, I've been deeply dismissive and negative and I'm not too sure why...might be my current pill I'm going to see how I am next month but it really was just awful...ho hum things are better now and that's the main thing.

Got a phone call from Vanessa about doing the Brighton Fashion Week social media stuff and I've got a meeting with her and the rest of the team next week. Which I'm pretty excited about she said I sound like I'm the answer to her prayers! Super...Another thing to get stuck into, I think that's why I've been upset recently, same old people(i love my friends&family but ya know)...people I can't see regularly because of distance (tristan, ollie, james, sofi, anna) and just the general mundane life...even though I enjoy my job...I guess it's just the same old nonesense and wondering where all the EXCITING things have gone...I'm I making much sense here I'm I?!!!

I've been enjoying sitting back and chilling out letting things happen naturally for once...I either FORCE things or PUSH things away so it's pretty good and a massive learning curve for me to let people, things, animals, babes just all flow nicely...like James said to me I can't let myself or anyone else get upset over NOTHING...very positive stance...

I'm pretty excited about Christmas this year, bought some dope gifts and love sharing and giving to my friends and family. Christmas eve is always amazing as we have so much fun (and booze) around Chloe and Ross's house...the midnight strike is always fun singing and being battered...Ahhh <3

Top Bangin' Beats

I spent most of my time at University listening to the most depressing shit, from Oasis - stop crying your heart out to Foo Fighters - Best of me.

As I've got older I just cannot handle a sad song, i'm emo enough as it is without having a song remind me of a past time, friend, fella, babe, mistake...so this blog post is dedicated to the bangin' beats that I listen to when I'm thinking about that past time, fella, mare, friend, mistake...to get me feeling positive again.


tune, i'm sorry but this song is funny and it's one to sway and dance to for a laugh.


amazing.


probably the only man i will ever be in love with except for mr.roar, tristan and my daddy. uh-mazing!


DOPPPPEEEEE I love love love no doubt and this song is a total pick me upper


keeps me chilled, perfect beat.




reminds me of being at uni with tristan proper going for it on his birthday cracking me up a treat, always makes me want to bump my booty butt. lolz


YES amazing

i could go on forever, five, suicide file, garbage, republica, placebo, n-dubz etc etc.

What are your favourite pick me up songs?

NEWS - Halloween, Bonfire night, Jobs, People, Babes, Deer Brains.

I haven't updated this in a while...

So, I've now got my glasses which made me feel like a super geek at first but now it's all good. Just a matter of getting used to them isn't it? My head ons have gone and my mind is focused on work rather then the pain at the back of my brain thinking I have some terrible tumour or something.

All three job prospects that came to me through agencies were not successful, the worthing one was pretty keen but I turned it down as I knew it wouldn't be the right kind of area for me...working on accounts social media isn't really my idea of 'fun' 1000 heads are keeping me on records and I get e-mails from them updating me about various things going on within the job etc. always interesting to read. The other one I can't even remember so can't be that good. Since then I've had a call from an agency for a job in Soho...just turned it down as I am in no financial matter to go zooming off to London.






For Halloween I went to go an see my sister we qued to get into a fancy dress shop what the fuck is that about...we bascially just wore normal clothes and stuck some blood on us...went to Urban Nerds and met Sofi from the Sofidonuts Blog that I contribute too. Sof is the most adorable person I think I've ever met...I felt like a giant next to her cute 5' nothing frame but hey, who really gives a fuck about that. Adorbz




For Bonfire night I met Danny and all his new working pals from his new job. As well as hanging out with Ollie from Black Milk London where I just got quite drunk and from what I remember we didn't see one firework?! It was raining though so that might of been why? I think I'm in love with his cat though it's such a biffa he's amazing!!!



I'm pressing on with my blog Deer Brains which has recruited 5 new babes. Quite excited to see where that's all going to lead to. We've had competitions with Vice and Lazy Oaf recently which has been amazing for us.


Brighton Fashion Week is looking for someone to do some work for them so I've contacted them to see if there is a Social Media/ PR role involved for me...Going through chats with that. Doing some PR for Jelly Pong Pong which Ollie found for me x and hoping to start doing some Social Media for Margin London.

I went to see Deftones Wednesday just gone (17th November) and it was UH-MAZING. I've loved the Deftones ever since school so it was a highlight of my year. I went with my friend Brad who equally loves them but unfortunately had work at 7am the next day we were about to leave when we heard the intro into 'Change' (my fav) so obviously we stayed and then went and got the train after that. Don't mean to be a sap but I can't get over how amazing they were!!! I was so excited. The babes surrounding me was great too hahaha.


Off to see Jimmy Eat World and Minus the Bear with Shahnaz and Dan on Tuesday which should be good. We all went to see The Get Up Kids together a few months ago which was amazing. It's good to have gig buds.





I've been speaking to Tristan alot lately which has been amazing. Although I haven't seen that boy in about 3 years now he will ALWAYS remain my best friend and my favourite person ever. He's super amazing and always kicks me up the ass when I'm being an idiot about myself and about my life. I really love him so much it's ridic. xxxxxx
Think that's it. Will try and update this more regularly but I'm pretty friggin' busy bruv. x

jobs, glasses, party.

This week has been pretty good.
Hanged out and got drunk with some chums on Monday.

Felt pretty dead on Tuesday but got a call back from the Worthing agency. I, again explained my situation and it resulted in us leaving it till I know whether or not my contract is going to be renewed with SCS Marketing at the end of September. He also offered me to partly work from home and partly from the office as I do not live in Worthing...Sounds quite good....And I can finally get out of Tescos's saying that the past two weeks have been quite fun working there. Everoyne is so cute and sweet it's nice...And I guess now I just know 100% that it won't be forever!

I have heard back from the agency that talked to me about working for 1000 heads. He had been on holiday so that is why he didn't get back to me sooner. Unfortunately there are no positions within the company at the moment but they like what they see and have kept me on top records in case a new project crops up in the future.

I'm quite happy with that to be honest, hopefully (mega fingers crossed) I will stay on where I am now and continue to work for make up companies and I believe we are getting a new fashion client! Exciting. I'm also planning on doing a couple of freelance jobs for a fashion line and of course continue with DEERBRAINS so if/when they call again I can show them more of my mad skillz.

Boots told me my glasses would be delivered today...Still not here? I fucking need them now, squinting hard.

Job prospect #3

Because of the passing of bank holiday I was hoping for a call or an email about the 1000 heads job...I always have my phone on silent as it's a blackberry I can see it flashing red when I get an e-mail or text anyways I put it onto 'normal' and at 9:13am I got a call from another agency for some fashion social media. He said he would forward on some details but hasn't done so yet.

Went to London on Friday night, was so awesome. Just want to be there permanently now.
In other news, got my glasses yesterday not badly priced got 2 pairs for 160 pounds! Also, I watched Kick Ass which I quite enjoyed except for 'Hit Girl' saying 'c***t' filth!

Job prospect #2

So, just got a phone call from a guy from Fuel Recruitment Limited saying he had spotted my CV and my work on Jobsite.com and might have a suitable role for me in Central London.

After having a chat about where I wanted to go (get out of eastbourne/fashion/pr/social media) and what my current work status was he talked about what the job would involve and it's everything I'm doing now plus events like music festivals and gigs for a phone company through the world of 1000 Heads.

He e-mailed me over some details and asked if I was interested to say so and he will pass on my details to the director of the company.

I'm overly excited and overly scared but in a space of a week my life has catapulted me into 'real life' commitments and I cannot wait to start carrying them out.

I honestly can't wait to get the e-mail from the director of 1000 heads and just press on with this. If I'm still in Eastbourne by this time next year I might cry/kill myself.

Anyways time to get some food and go to Tescos...I had a really nice night working there last night, odd.

Life Oh Life

Woke up at 6am to apply for a job in London - Actual dream job it was like it was written for me, experience with fashion and beauty, keen on social media not just for work but for personal use, good sense of eye for design and fashion websites.

I am actually really hoping I get this, I've always ummmed and ahhhed over jobs in London as I don't really have that much cash to commute/stay up there but with this one I just feel that I would make alot more 'effort' to go and one of my best friends landed a dream job yesterday and is going to London for September/October time so I'm sure he wouldn't mind little old me sleeping on the couch for a month? Who knows. I'm not going to think about it untill the e-mail comes IF it comes.

Anyways, did that all through jobsite at 6am (too keen?) and went back to sleep got an e-mail and phonecall from a John Chase recruitment agency saying he has a job that was right up my alley. After a few e-mails establishing that I am particularly interested in Fashion and Beauty PR and stating that my job will hopefully (please lord please) be renewed in September we kind of left it as a 'I will call you on Tuesday next week...It's in Worthing, It's full time...It's an option if I do get dropped from my current job.


Friday night in Brighton has now turned into Friday night in London thanks to We are Social for hooking me up with tickets to a random gig at a bowling alley place ??? Details are too be confirmed but defiantly has to be better than a night out in Eastbourne right?


Another thing (well maybe the only thing) that is really testing my patience at the moment is my face. I know most people who will be reading this will be online 'friends' (lolz) but my skin has been a babe recently after taking tetracycline and a course of the pill but right now today at this moment I have five utter beasts on my face and I've come to realise how mega shit it is. I don't like people being too close to my face, I don't like looking at people when I'm talking, I'm constantly thinking 'they can see this beast' and it's starting to get me down again...I'm 23 like HELLO I should be getting the 'odd spot' which I was for a while now after taking these pills and actually eating a bit better...or to be honest actually eating meals and not just crisps and bananas...anyways, I haven't been stressed out as such but I have been 'worrying' about alot recently and that's probably brought it on.

I think that's about it...toodles. x

Oh actually look how cute my pooch is <3

day to day

drunk in london

drunk in london

work outfit (the heart kept me smiling)



I'm going to utilise this blog more. To become everything I said to Nicki on Monday.

Today I was meant to head to London for a meeting with an events promotion company. I'm quite thankful they cancelled as I had the chance to tidy and sort my room out (see post below) as I'm constantly working/active my room got to a shocking state. Ooop. Something that I didn't elaborate on in my last post is this e-mail from my now chum Dan...Back when we were teens we really liked each other and this e-mail was the cutest but funniest thing ever...Isn't it weird how feelings change?

I met up with him with Shahnaz to see The Get Up Kids a couple of months ago and it was amazing! Love both of them dearly....We've made plans to go to Jimmy Eat World in November which should be super fun!

Off to Brighton with a super old friend/work collegue on Friday to go and see We are Scientists...To be honest I'm only going as the lead singer is a babe.com

Do you remember when days were like that?

After one of my meetings got cancelled in London I decided to do the most mundane thing ever and tidy my room...not just general 'shove this here' 'pop this over here' tidying oh no no no! A proper full motion spring or should I say summer clearout.

I found some LOL things along the way. A picture of a drawing I did in SHAPE lesson, a mufti day class picture and the wonders of my diary cira 2000.


This is probably the funniest find of the day. Myself and my best friend Katie draw our 'dream boys' when we were 14 I was a'grunger' Katie was a 'townie' and ours were both very different. Pretty much in love with how cool I was by how much I wanted Julian Cascablancas ♥ what a cool bean. Although I wasn't a massive cool bean as I said 'Spunky punky' But for the general shit it's just proper 'lol' on my behalf and I can't wait to show Katie when I see her next.

Where do we go from here?

I feel the need to turn to my online rambling blogsphere to help me decide what to do.
My life the past nine months has been incrediable, I've not only gained my dream job (sort of) I've grown and continued to love and be more confident as a person.

I face the dilema now (maybe) of starting another chapter of my life which weirdly for me seems to always happen in September (splitting up with james, starting a new job, meeting new life long friends etc) my contract with the marketing company I work for ends in then...I'm praying to the God that I will be kept on and I can continue to grow and learn as well as save for greater adventures but if I get released from the job do I take these Interns I've been offered/looking at?

I'm going crazy mind at the moment as I literally do not have the time to go anywhere or do anything fun.

At least I'm saving I suppose?

WISH LIST

Is it really sad to be really excited about some shoes?
I spotted this website from here and blogged about it on Deer Brains.



I cannot believe how cheap and good looking these shoes are. Totally buying a load when I get paid. I've been looking for some loafers and brogues for a while and these are perfect.

Also bought my attention to cute little play suits and amazing things I can team up with them.


EXCITED

MAC - Lady GaGa

I'm a massive fan of MAC it's the best make-up I've ever used and I love this video of Lady GaGa that she has done for them.

I ♥ Utah Boys

I want to go because I served the cutest guy ever from there, he was so awkward and geeky but hot and adorable. Checked his I.D because he was buying lots of beer, didn't pick up his name but saw he was from Utah.

So, in my quest to find a babe (or just hunt down this hot geek) I want to go to Utah!!

So where is Utah...I knew it was in America and far away from New York...


You see where it says Salt Lake City....That's where I wanna be!

From what I can gather National Parks are pretty much the only thing going on in Utah...Good thing I like scenery right? Me and the babe can walk around for days and days.

If only huh?!!!

I shall have to let my love with the hot geek I saw before me rest.

Money blown on dem hoes

I've pretty much spent all of my money, lucky for me I should have some freelance payments coming my way in the next few days if not then I just have under £80 for just under 3 weeks...HI MUM AND DAD CAN I BORROW SOME MONEY PLEASE?! I hate doing that but I'm a good daughter and well, I need to travel to and from work...!

I'm casually just sitting here at the moment feeling pretty bloody good, working from home for the make-up brand I'm involved with and testing out my new camera which I got from play.com for half price, hola.



Pretty much love this Brow kit from Benefit, I've recently become pretty obsessed with my eyebrows as I do believe that if you shape and look after them well it frames your whole face perfectly well as perfect as it can be with my rather off beat features.


This comes with:

♥ Brow zings powder (light) 1.10g
♥ Brow zings powder (dark) 1.10g
♥ Brow zings wax 0.90g
♥ Smokin' liner 0.39g
♥ Eye bright 0.90g
♥ Brow highlighter powder 1.10g
♥ Mini tweezers
♥ Hard angle/talent brush
♥ Step-by-step lesson

I really like the Eye bright, I'm terrible I'm awake all night and up at 6/7am most days that I always look really tired and not with it...This really helps to brighten my eyes and look more alert. Once this 'sample' has finished I will defiantly be buying the larger product.



I look like I'm about to be sick.


If you know me well or just briefly know me from catching my tweets you will know I have a little pup pup called Rory who I completely love, he's so much fun and he always keeps me warm and content when I'm lonely (which working from home alot happens!) x

Healthy Life

Having a week off has been lovely but I've still got so much work to do.
As much as I love the internet it's been good getting off it I must say!

Now, I am not claiming that I am fat in the slightest but I could do with living a healthier lifestyle and toning up, there are moments when I feel like I can feel the actual fat coating my heart...not good right?


So, Yesterday I went shopping and bought some healthy treats; actimel, bananas, rocket, watercress and spinach sald, yougurts, chicken, fish.

Which so far is grating on my stomach but I think it's just because of going from eating crips, chicken and bananas or not eating at all to eating actual good stuff for me.

My sister and I have started going for jogs around the park, which has got me pumped to come home to do our Davina DVD!

However, saying all that here I am eating digestive biscuits and drinking chamoille tea whilst working on this and this.

What are your favourite ways to stay healthy?

I'm in love with designer Holly Russell

After watching Marina and the Diamonds on Loose Women this morning I've just discovered the most amazing top I've ever seen in my life and I want!



Designed by Fashion Graduate Holly Russell.
Holly Russell is a BA (hons) Fashion Design graduate from Manchester Metropolitan University.
Animal, minerals and outer space inspired Holly to use a ‘galaxy’ digital print, beetle wings and human hair in her collection, mimicking textures and patterns seen in the Universe.
Holly embroidered over one thousand Jewel Beetle-wings onto the arms of garments to represent the power and size of the natural world. Working with American astronomer, Robert Gendler she sourced galaxy images that were then adapted into digital prints. The features an eclectic range of fabrics from different types of Silk, Stretch Satins, Pig Suede Leather, and a flesh coloured sequin Chiffon that gives a ‘shiny second skin’ effect to the body.
A key piece in the collection is a digitally printed cape with black synthetic wigs sewn onto the shoulders, which then overlap a digital print of illustrated hair to create a 3D effect. This garment was modelled by Alice Dellal and photographed by Mary McCartney as part of the advertising campaign for Graduate Fashion Week and appeared in the Evening Standard.
Holly’s merits include being shortlisted for the ‘MaxMara/British Fashion Council Award’ in 2008 and in 2009 was shortlisted for the ‘River Island Jumpsuit Competition’ and ‘Best of Manchester Award’. Her work experience includes an internship with 2007 Fashion Fringe winner Aminaka Wilmont.
In October 2009 Nicola Formichetti flew Holly’s collection out to LA and as a result Lady Gaga wore one of her garments to the Billboard Women in Music Awards. Holly has also created a garment for Lady Gaga’s World Tour.
Holly is currently working with Gareth Pugh and plans to carry out an MA in Fashion Womenswear at the RCA next year.



The sleeves are made from Beetles!
I just absolutely love it but I can't see where you can buy them anywhere.

Holly has also had her designs worn by Lady GaGa.

So give me coffee and tv

One of my favourite songs ever ♥

I'm gonna close my eyes and maybe it will go away...

The past two weeks have been pretty weird and stressful if I'm going to be honest.
I always find myself hoping to be better and hoping to get stronger, I am fine but I'm getting drained of longing for what I truly want and knowing that it will probably never happen is quite tough, I'm the sort of person who tries her upmost hardest but whatever I seem to do it always comes tumbling down a few months later...I guess that is what we call the wonderful world of life, huh?

I've worked my ass off the past eight months and I am in serious need of some fun.

I'm quite looking forward to going to see my old flat mate at the end of May, Going to see The Get Up Kids with Dan and Shahnaz and going to Wireless Festival with my sister.

But if I don't do something soon I am going to crack.

I guess watching films like Elephant, Girl Interrupted, The Royal Tenenbaums and Ghost World doesn't help but what brilliant films all the same.

To prevent me from going on a downhill spiral I am going to surround myself with a massive internet shop when I get paid this Friday.

♥ However I did buy this:



For £15...
The other day which is a strong replica of:

Which is £ 126,72

Crazy huh?

Want Want Want - ASOS.

ASOS is a massive chain company, that I've lost a little bit of respect for when I saw that they were ripping off independent designer Lady Luck Rules Ok! However, I find their dresses are really work friendly and comfortable.

Here is my wishlist from their current products:

Gap Rope Belted Chambray Linen Mix Dress, £45.

ASOS Jersey Vest Empire Dress, £20.

Motel Graphic Print 2-In-1 Dress, £35.

Time goes by so slowly.

I spend most of my time planning and dreaming about buying clothes and going away.

I am desperate to go to Barcelona I've wanted to go since about 2005 when my friend Joe was going with his band 'Nervous Wreck' and said it was amazing for the hardcore and art scene. Even though I'm still a fan of hardcore music I don't think I can handle the shows anymore most of them were brutal but were mostly sXe ones so everyone helped everyone out and it was all 'love' based but when I went to see Outbreak it was fucking mentallllll...Anyways, I want to go to Barcelona to see the arts....Oh man it would be so dope. I was planning on going last September but my friend Sam completely bailed out :( So if ANYONE wants to go...Let me know?

Disney

I am 100% in love with Disney films.
I have loved Alice In Wonderland, Bambi and Beauty and the Beast since a young age.

Here are some of my favourite clips.

My skincare products.

If you know me well, you know that my skin isn't the best thing since sliced bread. I've battled with pigmintation, scarring and spots since my young teens. At 23 I swear by these products I still get the odd spot here but by lord it's so much better and brighter then it used to be thanks to all these amazing products.



Cleanse & Polish Hot Cloth Cleanser. £23.00


Skin Repair. £33.00


Garnier Eye Make-up Remover. £3.45


Benefit Eye Brightening Cream. £20.50

What beauty products do you use?

Tegan and Sara

I always have little flurries of amazing artists that I love.
For that past month I've been constantly listening to Tegan and Sara.

Particularly these songs.





Too amazing.

Before I start I just want you to know I don't love you anymore.

I wanted to use this blog as a sort of journal. I've been blogging since I was 13, over at Livejournal and I would write some really deep and personal shit on there it was intense. I want to use this for simliar reason not to get really deep and meaning full because to be honest I'm over that 'Poor little me' stage in my life but to say to people out there HEY IT'S OKAY and to make me realise that whoever and whatever you're we are all pretty much the same anyways.

Forgive me if I'm rambling as I'm way too overtired to even be thinking about what this is actually about but I wanted to put something in that I wrote for a zine but never actually got round to finishing or giving to them as some family problems occurred. It was something that spun off into loads of different directions and it made me just think what the fuck I'm I even talking about?!

So, Your off on a girly night out, a meal with your boyfriend, possibly even a date? And that whole important question of 'Does my bum look big in this?' crops into your mind at least three times whilst you're getting ready... I myself know that it's a very stressful and complicated process trying to get ready for a special occasion I even stress out when I know my boyfriend is coming home from work, to make sure I look pristine before he gets in...Why? because the media and society has made us that way.

To be honest the latter half of what I just said up there is a lie, but I believe that in fashion and health and beauty magazines they portray this sort of 'stepford 1950s clean cut wife' image that EVERY lady should follow. I for one know that men don't like girls being constantly made up and in heels, but society has led us to believe that we should be constantly looking our best for men, this outrages me somewhat, I am no feminist but when a male 'expects' us to be something we aren't it's frustrating.

I have a friend who is constantly looking trim, primed and done up, she is beautiful with or without makeup and is a genuine lovely lady but as she watches all the L.A 'real life' programmes like 'The Hills' 'The City' etc. And reads countless fashion and beauty magazines to comply this look, where over if not all of the models and girls featured in the magazines have been airbrushed, sucked and tucked and possibly even led a life of dieting and constantly under pressure in order to look 'good' it throws her and so many girls into the bizaree realm of who and what we should comply too.


I myself have moments when flicking through a magazine and suddenly having this self doubt that I am not pretty, trim, perfect enough to invest in a good boyfriend or to be accepted in society, then I have the flickering recognition that these girls HAVE been air brushed and I would love to see the pictures of them before hand, these girls are just too flawless to be real, I bet even models like Lily Cole or superstars like Cheryl Cole have bags under their eyes, celluite and so forth, but when captured without makeup or with a bit of celluite (which lets face it all girls have right?) they are automactically deemed into devils work by the media.

It's frustrating to know that young girls out there are being captivated by the media and pressures of staying slim and looking good. I read an article in a magazine which shall remain unnamed about 'tricks to eat less and stay thin' REALLY? I said to my self. It was bascially discussing on how to eat practically nothing but convince your loved ones that you have had a full breakfast, lunch and evening meal "talk alot whilst eating, play with your food, rearrange it on your plate" I'm sorry but if I saw someone start doing all of this I would only think there was a problem. Food time for me is quite time!

I never got round to finishing it and reading back through it I sound really bitter and angry that I am not size 0 and that I am not absolutely beautiful...This isn't what I am saying at all...I am driving at the fact that yes, look after yourself; eat healthy, wash, shave, look good but don't feel like you have to be like that 24/7 as people will just start factoring you out as a 'yeah, she's pretty hot but she's blatantly stupid' I for one have looked at girls and thought 'oh wow shes hot bet there isn't much upstairs though' and found out that she was doing law at cambridge...So you know...I'm just as bad...?!

Where have you been? What have you done? I still love you...

Today, after waking up with the sun blasting into my room and my Mother proding me to get up because the builders need to go to my room I decided to return back to my personal blog which is this! Hooooraaaah.

I already have quite a peachy following over at DEER BRAINS which I work on with three chums (Thomas, Sean and Sofi!) but for things that I feel just aren't right for there I shall stick here.

So, Today I bring you my latest wish list items and a re-cap of who I am.

Stephanie Marie Barnes, 23 years old, living in the South of England, working for a make-up company, Fashion Photographer and various other Social Networking campaigns as well as Tescos...Which is dreadful but for 9 hours a week and £7.50 PH I really just can't complain.

I'm stern, I'm honest, I'm driven and I'm capable of anythings which I believe if people really try then you can be too!

Most of the time I just dream of being Dizzee Rascal's girlfriend or maybe Max Barreau's (the choice is hard) and sing along to pop songs.

I found this on my Listography...

Things that shouldn't be done when drunk.

• phone calls.
• go online. msn/myspace/email.
• declare my love for someone i don't even know. and them get wierd about it.
• text messages. especially five page ones.
• sharing of secrets.
• making out with a friend.
• buying even more alcohol.
• buying even more cigarettes.
• attempting to have a decent deep meaningful conversation with someone you work with/see often but rarely speak to.
• being around anyone sober.
• dancing like an idiot. well, you think you look great at the time.

Guilty!

Wish List

Even though I have jobs coming out of my butthole I am still mega poor and I love saving for some dope items.

All from Zara Home.

the moon on the hill says that we probably will

Without fail this song will make me cry.



FUCKING love it



I'm on a downward spiral and I'm finding it very hard to pick myself back up at the moment. I feel like a massive part of me is missing and I'm trying to hard to 'brush it off' but it's too hard when you love someone too much.

But you know what fuck it. I can't do anymore or do any less.


My gorgeous little pal Rob sent me this today with the cutest note ever.
You can go and buy it here

Are you happy? I'll decide.

What a fabulous start to 2010. Started a collaboration blog with three of my buddies.

Tom I met from University, talented photography and all round good guy.
Sean known him from school, run high order! remember me talking about that? he's fashion and photography mad and amazing.
and my dear internet pal Spasjia, runs with fashion, love and poems as well as a bloody brilliant artist.

I'm pretty stoked about having them in my team.
So please everyone (if anyone) come and check us out!

http://www.deerbrains.blogspot.com

On a much better note I've finally found the perfect coat/jacket/hoodie but I am far too poor to buy it.