Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Before I start I just want you to know I don't love you anymore.

I wanted to use this blog as a sort of journal. I've been blogging since I was 13, over at Livejournal and I would write some really deep and personal shit on there it was intense. I want to use this for simliar reason not to get really deep and meaning full because to be honest I'm over that 'Poor little me' stage in my life but to say to people out there HEY IT'S OKAY and to make me realise that whoever and whatever you're we are all pretty much the same anyways.

Forgive me if I'm rambling as I'm way too overtired to even be thinking about what this is actually about but I wanted to put something in that I wrote for a zine but never actually got round to finishing or giving to them as some family problems occurred. It was something that spun off into loads of different directions and it made me just think what the fuck I'm I even talking about?!

So, Your off on a girly night out, a meal with your boyfriend, possibly even a date? And that whole important question of 'Does my bum look big in this?' crops into your mind at least three times whilst you're getting ready... I myself know that it's a very stressful and complicated process trying to get ready for a special occasion I even stress out when I know my boyfriend is coming home from work, to make sure I look pristine before he gets in...Why? because the media and society has made us that way.

To be honest the latter half of what I just said up there is a lie, but I believe that in fashion and health and beauty magazines they portray this sort of 'stepford 1950s clean cut wife' image that EVERY lady should follow. I for one know that men don't like girls being constantly made up and in heels, but society has led us to believe that we should be constantly looking our best for men, this outrages me somewhat, I am no feminist but when a male 'expects' us to be something we aren't it's frustrating.

I have a friend who is constantly looking trim, primed and done up, she is beautiful with or without makeup and is a genuine lovely lady but as she watches all the L.A 'real life' programmes like 'The Hills' 'The City' etc. And reads countless fashion and beauty magazines to comply this look, where over if not all of the models and girls featured in the magazines have been airbrushed, sucked and tucked and possibly even led a life of dieting and constantly under pressure in order to look 'good' it throws her and so many girls into the bizaree realm of who and what we should comply too.

I myself have moments when flicking through a magazine and suddenly having this self doubt that I am not pretty, trim, perfect enough to invest in a good boyfriend or to be accepted in society, then I have the flickering recognition that these girls HAVE been air brushed and I would love to see the pictures of them before hand, these girls are just too flawless to be real, I bet even models like Lily Cole or superstars like Cheryl Cole have bags under their eyes, celluite and so forth, but when captured without makeup or with a bit of celluite (which lets face it all girls have right?) they are automactically deemed into devils work by the media.

It's frustrating to know that young girls out there are being captivated by the media and pressures of staying slim and looking good. I read an article in a magazine which shall remain unnamed about 'tricks to eat less and stay thin' REALLY? I said to my self. It was bascially discussing on how to eat practically nothing but convince your loved ones that you have had a full breakfast, lunch and evening meal "talk alot whilst eating, play with your food, rearrange it on your plate" I'm sorry but if I saw someone start doing all of this I would only think there was a problem. Food time for me is quite time!

I never got round to finishing it and reading back through it I sound really bitter and angry that I am not size 0 and that I am not absolutely beautiful...This isn't what I am saying at all...I am driving at the fact that yes, look after yourself; eat healthy, wash, shave, look good but don't feel like you have to be like that 24/7 as people will just start factoring you out as a 'yeah, she's pretty hot but she's blatantly stupid' I for one have looked at girls and thought 'oh wow shes hot bet there isn't much upstairs though' and found out that she was doing law at cambridge...So you know...I'm just as bad...?!

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